March 15th

Like I said...you went to bed very very late...

...and woke up kinda late too.  We had breakfast and refused to nap for the entire morning and you make me a little nuts...and then finally fell asleep right before Yanira came home from work.  She fed you snacks and you two spent the next few hours winning each other over... Playing with the fairy lights had already made you quite intrigued, but when she made (um. vegan?) chili...she had you at chili.  

So...as it turns out there aren't any books yet on the topic of full disclosure in the publicly over-documented baby.  Shocking I know.  (google it, Kiddo...maybe you can be the first to make tons of money autobiographically analyzing the effects of being over-documented)  

We're gonna be spending as much time with Yanira as is reasonable to spend with someone that lives six and a half hours away.  (Well, no...we'll probably be spending more time than is reasonable...)  This is a big change for us, Mister.  You and I have had a nice little cocoon...not really letting very many folks into it.  I'm not sure that I'll ever get to the bottom of what that's been about; selfish hoarding of your babyhood, stubborn defensive blocking of people to make sure they couldn't hurt us... some combination I suppose...I also happen to just absolutely adore you and want you around me as much as possible - a legit piece of this puzzle as well - it just hasn't seemed worth it to let anyone try to get any of our time.  Let's face it though, Kiddo...you whine a lot and I need a break.  Heh...I kid.  Yanira seems worth the risk and effort, let's see how sharing each other and letting someone else in goes over, shall we?  There are so many things I wish we could talk about surrounding this topic.  There are so many things I want for your emotional capacity and world... I can pretty effectively shut people out.  I make a super comfy and cozy world for us in spite of this fact, but I've had so many fears of my being able to impart the things I want for you because of it.  I guess this is lesson one in my reparation attempts?  Grandmapa has always tried to teach me that 'practice makes better,' and while I've known and agreed with this assertion, I've also never wanted to do anything I didn't know ahead of time that I could perfect or win.  How is this relevant? (so many things to cram in to one post...I probably should have started talking about all this stuff earlier...) The result isn't relevant right now... I've said it before, and it holds...the characters of our story change around a bit in role and name, but no one gets to make it into our story without knowing that they want to be in it.  And wanting to be in our story is already a pretty good character trait, yes?  

Oh Mister, you and I sure are the shit.  And if your 2 year old molars don't come in soon I am going to lose my friggin mind.  It's your pain, I know...but I assure you, you're sharing.