We spent a (largely pictureless?) morning together before I went to do a session. While I was there you and Aiden and Yanira went to the dog park and explored and met some people...You were a bit shy around Sonny (the little boy you met) but Yanira got to have adult conversations with someone that wasn't me! Must've been lovely...You kept stealing Yanira's lollipops. I could eat you.
When I got there you assumed your regular position of "Mama is here? Oh gee, I seem to have fallen." (you go down on one knee, say "uh oh" and put up your arms for me...every time.) We went to the woods and you kept going off of the trail. Oh sweet man...is it good parenting to want you to stay on track? There could be poison ivy off the path...I knew you were going to want to see the waterfall that I knew was at the bottom of the path that we were on...I got so cranky with your constant refusal to do what I wanted. Was I being unreasonably stringent? Parenting is so hard. I know that you need to listen when I say 'no.' It feels pretty important to know that you'll listen, particularly in the woods where there are so many potential dangers. I can't be entirely sure that that's where my motivations for being such an agitated Mama were though. I promise I'm working on regulating my reactions and trying to teach you the things I feel are really important for you to know. All that said, and all grumpiness I've had aside: I love that you love going off path. I love watching you explore and I love that you don't care what's been explored before - you see new things and you want to be a part of them...you don't seem to care how far you have to go to get to them. It's quite beautiful. I hope you keep that (even through my overly type-A moments of screaming for you not to...)
We got home and ate and played a bit...I tried to get my agitation under control, and when it finally did, you and I watered the plants. I kept spraying you, which you loved...and were freaking out when it was time to turn the water off...so...we played in the puddles. You sang and and I danced to it as we splashed the water on the ground. I appreciate your willingness to forgive me on my crankiest days. As absurd as it is, having you love Yanira so much makes me feel (again, it's totally irrational and I don't like...LIVE in the feeling) like you're just going to choose her because I'm being a bitch. I truly feel like I learn more about the world from you than you do from me. You remind me of the things I espouse, and you live them more fully than I do. I just love you like crazy. Like absolute crazy...
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